👋🏼 Hey ladies!

Welcome to Bodytalk, where we discuss the realities of women’s health, culture, and more. This is our space: To unpack the double standards, to confront the misinformation, and to open up about the things we’ve been told are “TMI”.

There’s one thing I’ve always loved doing as a journalist who covers women’s lifestyle, and here it is: I love, love, love commenting on what’s happening in the celeb world and reflecting on what it says about the challenges real women are navigating.

Famous or not, there are universal elements of womanhood we can all relate to in some way. And this week, we’re talking about two famous women who are opening about their own experiences with two very real women’s health issues — anxiety and endometriosis.

And of course, we’re in the thick of the holiday season, so let’s also talk about the tip that saved me while I was dealing with another very real women’s health issue (infertility!) while facing uncomfortable conversation after uncomfortable situation at holiday parties and get-togethers.

If you’re going through it now, I see you. You’re not alone and hopefully this tip will help ❤️.

Happy Holidays, friends! Now let’s chat 🗣️

An exercise for all the ladies reading this: Think about a time in your life when you felt the most successful — a time you were crushing it professionally and hitting all those societal benchmarks of success.

Now think about what your mental health was like at the time. 

I'm guessing it probably wasn't at an all-time high. If you're anything like me at least, you’ve been praised and rewarded the most, especially in professional settings, when you’re neglecting your mental health.

I’m not alone here: Reese Witherspoon just shed light on how this holds up for her too.

"I was probably successful because I had so much anxiety. They go hand in hand," Witherspoon said during an interview with Harper's Bazaar UK. "I had pressured myself to extreme levels to show up at work in a perfect way. We all now know, perfect is not attainable. It’s not sustainable. I stressed myself out in service of my job, and it got me really, really far. I’m rewarded for my anxiety and perfectionism."

The line between drive and unhealthy perfectionism is razor thin for women. I’ve witnessed so many fellow women be rewarded for their unhealthiest habits: Working around the clock, indulging in perfectionism, being so openly anxious and high-strung — and so I've internalized the idea that in order to follow in those footsteps, I have to do the same.

We are just starting to talk about all the ways hustle culture has truly affected women, and Witherspoon’s admission is such a powerful one. Read more.

🔎 Ask Clara: How does anxiety show up in women?

Two things can be true: Women can unilaterally face roadblocks on the path to securing effective health care...and women can also have vastly different levels of access based on privilege. Case in point: Lili Reinhart, a wealthy, white, famous woman with all the access in the world struggled to get an endometriosis diagnosis.

Reinhart certainly faces fewer barriers to healthcare than women who don't have her levels of privilege...but she still faces barriers because, well, that's what happens to women.

In an Instagram post announcing her endometriosis diagnosis — and reflecting on the road to get to that diagnosis — Reinhart sheds light on the importance of women advocating for their own bodies. 

"Last year, I saw a urogynecologist and was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis. I was told there was no cure—and no lasting relief—for my symptoms.
Three hospital visits. Multiple urologists and gynecologists. And not one of them seriously considered endometriosis as the underlying cause of what I was experiencing," she writes.

Which is so frustratingly common and relatable: Far too many women are told to just live with their pain and symptoms — and endometriosis in particular often takes years to be diagnosed. And of course, without diagnosis, there's no path to effective treatment.

Reinhart also writes about the importance of advocating for yourself in her post. And it's important to note: Yes, Reinhart has the type of access to healthcare that most women don't — but she also has the power to use her platform to spread awareness. And it's working: Take a look at the comments of her post. They're not just a space for women to thank her for using her voice and privilege to move the needle; they're also proof that Reinhart has created a space for other women to vent about the medical gaslighting they've faced.

Because let's face it: This is the thing that unites us, regardless of what our access looks like.

 🔎 Ask Clara: How long does it take to be diagnosed with endometriosis?

The thing about infertility and pregnancy loss is that triggers are absolutely everywhere. They’re in the questions you get when you turn down a drink. The way conversations inevitably shift to when you’re having kids.  The pregnancy announcements you’ll hear in person at parties. During the holiday season, those triggers feel even harder to avoid, as you may find yourself socializing more and seeing relatives you haven’t seen in a while.

All this to say: If you’re in it right now, I know the last thing you want is unsolicited advice. But I'm here to offer you one tip that I think may actually help. Here it is: Get your script ready.

Heading into a family dinner or a holiday party knowing that you may face some fertility speculation allows you to avoid feeling totally blindsided when someone says or asks something that makes you uncomfortable.

You can keep it classy and tactful. For example, when someone tells you to “hurry up and have a baby” (ugh, really!?!) you don’t have to find yourself frozen and wondering if you should serve back the attitude the comment deserves. Instead you could just say something like “Thanks for that advice” or “We’re doing our best right now”. 

Or, you can go in a different direction. Humor, for example: You could say “Wait, how do we go about making that happen again? We’re not really sure how babies are made.” 

You can also take a moment to set the record straight. If someone asks you if you’re pregnant, for example? You could fire back with “Wow, I’m really surprised you felt comfortable asking me that. What an invasive question.” 

Regardless of which approach you take, I’ve found it really helpful to just be prepared. Read more.

🔎 Ask Clara: How can I handle fertility speculation?

For so long, women were only celebrated when they got engaged, got married, or had babies. And then, a new narrative started to blossom: People online started saying things like "normalize congratulating women when they get new jobs, start businesses, or secure promotions — not when they get married or have babies". And a lot of people agreed: "Getting married and having a baby are not an accomplishments!" they said.

But here's the thing: It's up to us to define our goals and claim them as accomplishments if we see fit.

That's why I love the “celebration cake” trend I’m seeing on TikTok: If you haven't come across it on social media, it's essentially a trend featuring people sticking candles into a "celebration cake" — some do it with a group, others do it solo. In either case, the people get to decide what accomplishment they want to celebrate.

Some give themselves props for getting married or having a baby or breastfeeding for a year or finding love. Others celebrate promotions, hitting a follower goal, leaving a job they hated, and other professional wins. And others still celebrate the things that are neither professional nor relational: Things like finishing chemo, becoming more financially responsible, freezing their eggs, moving into their own homes, walking 10,000 steps every day...the list goes on and on. Read more.

🔎 Ask Clara: What are the benefits of celebrating accomplishments?