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👋🏼 Hey ladies!

Welcome to Bodytalk, where we discuss the realities of women’s health, culture, and more. This is our space: To unpack the double standards, to confront the misinformation, and to open up about the things we’ve been told are “TMI”.

Last week, I asked all of you, my lovely subscribers, if you’ve ever been in a toxic relationship…and most of you said yes. Am I happy about that? No, obviously not. But am I surprised? Again, no. Obviously not. More on that below.

Also below: I’m reflecting on the two hardest things I’ve ever done: Becoming a mother (matresence is a thing and it’s a wild ride), and becoming a card-carrying member of the sandwich generation. What we bear as women…it’s just astounding. We’re amazing, but we’re exhausted. And we’re talking about the realities of being a caregiver below. Before we get into that, a note on caregiving: It can take so many forms. You can care for your children, your parents, your partner, your friends, another family member…the list goes on, and it’s all valid. And it’s all incredibly hard. If you’re caring for someone, I see you and I want you to know that it’s okay to take care of yourself too ❤️.

Anyway, enough of the sappy stuff. Let’s yap 🗣️

I was a journalist covering prenatal and maternal health for years before I had kids. I thought I was so prepared for anything new motherhood threw at me…yet when I finally had my twins, I felt completely unmoored. 

I didn’t have the language to describe what I was feeling — I just knew that I didn’t feel like me. But it turns out, there is a word for that transition, and if I had known that word, I would have been able to make sense of what I was feeling. 

Matresence is that word, and it’s one we should put into public consciousness. Yet once again, women are denied the knowledge and the information they need in order to understand their own health and what they’re experiencing.

Matresence refers to the complex process of becoming a mother. It’s a process that changes you in every way, yet it’s one nobody ever prepares new mothers to face. And that’s why we need the word “matresence” to be made mainstream…and why it’s so frustrating that we still haven’t achieved that progress.

The word “matresence” doesn’t appear in the dictionary (yet somehow the term “IDGAF” does?) and we’re long overdue for that to change. Peanut, an app designed for moms to make friends with one another, is leading the charge here: They’ve even taken out a full-page ad in the New York Times devoted to this cause.

This isn’t just a maternal issue, it’s a women’s health issue, too. I’m a mom who loves being a mom. I’m also a woman who firmly believes in sharing the realities of what motherhood truly looks like so the women who come after me can make informed reproductive choices. And when we deprive them of the true understanding of what becoming a mother truly looks like, we’re essentially stripping their ability to make a choice with all the necessary information.

The fact that matrescence isn’t a widely used or recognized term — that it’s not even in the dictionary, while all sorts of social media-made slang terms find their way into the book —  is indicative of something so much larger. Read more.

🔎 Ask Clara: What is matresence?

On the current season of Love is Blind, there’s a scene that has audiences heated. In it, a man on the show tells the woman he is engaged to that he’s not feeling their physical connection. His idea of a woman to whom he'd be attracted? Someone "who does f*cking pilates every day,” he says by way of explanation.

If you haven’t watched the clip, you should — it contains some necessary context. But audiences have held on to the pilates of it all, and it’s because…well, this isn’t the first time the exercise has been mentioned in this picture of idealized, aspirational womanhood.

And we need to unpack it. Because in the zeitgeist of 2026, referring to someone as a “pilates girlie” or a “pilates wife” doesn’t just refer to a woman who enjoys this particular form of exercise.

To some, pilates has come to represent a slice of wealthy, white, thin womanhood that's being glorified. There’s a “pilates girl aesthetic”, which is essentially a thin body dressed in pricey workout sets, sipping a matcha, and hopping into a luxury SUV after a session at a pilates studio...which is filled with other thin, wealthy, white women. Read more.

 🔎 Ask Clara: What are the benefits of pilates?

I’m a member of the sandwich generation, and I’m not the only one. Data indicates that millions of U.S. adults are right there with me in the sandwich, raising young kids while also having a parent aged 65 or older. 

Yes, this has always been a thing, but millennials are feeling it on a whole new level, especially because many of us had kids later, once our parents were already entering advanced age, among other reasons. And of course, we’re doing it under intensely difficult cultural, systemic, and economic conditions. 

The reality is, many of us are juggling multiple caregiving roles, and the weight of this responsibility falls predominantly on women. Finally, we have some data to confirm this: Research overwhelmingly indicates that women take on more childcare and domestic labor, and more elder care as well. 

For women who are balancing it all — multiple caregiving responsibilities, busy careers, partnerships, and more, finding time to invest in our own health is nearly impossible. Read more.

🔎 Ask Clara: Do women do more caregiving?

Toxic relationships have been glorified and romanticized, and we’ve all been conditioned to believe that the heart-pounding, butterfly-inducing, high-highs-and-low-lows type of relationships are the height of romance. See: Oh…pretty much every movie and TV show ever. Love triangles and will-they-won't-they stories and "passionate" fights between lovers were forced down our throats at pretty much every turn.

And it turns out, even our millennial screen queen/relatable celeb icon isn’t immune to the pull of these messages. On a recent Call Her Daddy appearance, Hilary Duff opened about the beginning of her relationship with her now-husband, Matthew Koma. 

“He was very sweet,” she said of their relationship’s earliest days. “He was so nice to me and I remember being like…he’s so nice. That's not really a thing.”

And then, she dropped a bomb that made so many things — even in my own life — instantly make sense. “I think I needed some chaos first,” she said.

I can relate…and if you’re reading this, I’m guessing you can as well.

Duff went on to talk about how she and Koma broke up multiple times (and really, haven’t we all done the on-again-off-again thing at one point or another?). Again…it’s really relatable. And it clarifies why pretty much every woman I know has, at one point or another, turned away from a good thing in favor of…well, more chaos.

I think we’ve been so conditioned to believe that romantic relationships should make our nervous systems go a little crazy…and I also think we as women have been conditioned to feel we don’t deserve nice things. 

Part of me feels like craving the chaos is just a rite of passage….but is it really? Or is it just years and years of being made to feel like stability is boring or stale? And also...years of being made to feel like we don't deserve to just be treated well without the drama and emotional labor and the fighting to prove our worth.

🔎 Ask Clara: Why do we crave chaos in relationships?