👋🏼 Hey ladies!

Welcome to Bodytalk, where we discuss the realities of women’s health, culture, and more. This is our space: To unpack the double standards, to confront the misinformation, and to open up about the things we’ve been told are “TMI”.

If you’re anything like me (read: Just a little bit reality TV obsessed), your feeds have been dedicated to Summer House drama with a side of…more Summer House drama.

In case you’ve been living under a rock (or just like, don’t obsess over the inner lives of reality stars like I do), here’s a quick rundown of the tea: A recently divorced cast member on the show recently hard launched her relationship with her close friend’s ex (both the friend and the ex are also cast members) via a joint statement (diabolical).

It set the internet on fire, inspiring a million takes on what the situation represents. Some are smart, nuanced takes on the racial dynamics at play — we saw a Black woman essentially get led on by a man who never deemed her “girlfriend material”, yet quickly committed to a relationship with her close friend, a white woman. These takes are important. But some of the takes I’m seeing? Well, they just feel…mean. And we’re getting into what that really says about the way we treat women in our world below.

Anyway, let’s gab 🗣️

When I was trying to get pregnant, every single pregnancy announcement felt a bit like salt being poured on my wounds. I’m not proud of it, but it’s how I felt: I wanted to be happy for others when they announced their happy news, but I couldn’t help but feel like pregnancy announcements were just a constant reminder of what was not happening for me....no matter how badly I wanted it or how hard I tried. 

But you know what felt even worse than seeing a pregnancy announcement? Seeing jokes about pregnancy on April Fool’s Day. It felt like this thing that was so serious for me was just…a joke to the outside world. At least a legit pregnancy announcement meant happy news for someone. But a joke about pregnancy reveals? It just felt…crass. 

We’ve come a long way where sensitivity around fertility issues is concerned. Pregnancy reveal culture has changed. Yet somehow, not everyone has realized how insensitive and deeply unfunny April Fool's Day pranks involving pregnancy are. 

I’m so frustrated — yet not at all surprised — to see that people still don’t get this. Today, once again, I came across a fake pregnancy reveal with an AI-generated image of a woman with a faux baby bump.

I’ve also seen debates about whether or not it’s actually wrong to joke about pregnancy today...and I’ve seen a take that “people are too sensitive” in regards to the “no fake pregnancy reveals on April Fool’s Day” rule that has finally become a part of our culture, at least to some extent. This doesn’t surprise me at all, TBH.

The reality is: No. We haven’t gotten too sensitive. Actually, we are still not sensitive enough. Read more.

🔎 Ask Clara: How do fake pregnancy announcements affect people?

This may sound dramatic, but when Amanda Batula and West Wilson confirmed their romance via a joint statement, I audibly gasped. For the uninitiated, a breakdown: Batula recently announced her divorce from Kyle Cook, while Wilson has been in a will-they-won’t-they dynamic with Ciara Miller.  How do I know all this? Well, all parties involved star on one of my favorite reality shows, Summer House.

Worth mentioning? Batula and Miller are close friends. Which means that people aren’t just side-eyeing Batula for moving on from her ex husband quickly, they’re also (rightfully, TBH) mad that she’s with her friend’s ex — and not just any ex. The ex who broke her heart.

It’s inspiring a ton of conversation about how Batula isn’t “a girl’s girl”. And when I say a “ton of conversation”, I mean this discussion is pretty much taking over my feeds at the moment.  People are coming hard for Batula. They're saying they’ve always hated her. Saying she’s an insecure pick-me who was always jealous of Miller. A recent campaign Batula starred in was even pulled. 

And it’s all got me thinking: What does it truly mean to be a girl’s girl? Yes, dating your friend’s ex doesn’t exactly scream “girl’s girl” behavior. It's a clear violation of girl code. Yes, this situation looks really, really bad, especially when you consider that Batula was there to watch Miller’s heartbreak unfold. 

But it’s starting to feel a bit hypocritical. Calling out someone for not being a “girl’s girl”, all while essentially contributing to the cyber bullying of another woman, wishing ill upon her, and taking this fall from grace as an invitation to completely rip a woman to shreds on the Internet...I don't know, it seems like we've lost the plot a bit.

We see this time and time again: Pop culture has its heroes and villains, and we as a public come for people when they slip up — as we all do at some point. We condemn so loudly, there’s no way they can possibly shield themselves from the backlash.

There are real mental health dangers to this: People aren’t meant to hear about how hated they are, yet people in the public eye are essentially told they have to accept this, that it comes with the territory. We call it accountability, but really what it becomes is a burning at the stake. Read more.

 🔎 Ask Clara: What does it mean to be a girl’s girl?

I can't stand tradwife content. To me, it isn't just dangerous to suggest that the ultimate (and only) path to happiness as a woman is to reject feminism, submit to your husband, and serve your "natural" role as a homemaker to your "provider" husband. It's also....cheesy. 

Because one thing we need to remember? The tradwife influencers who pop up frequently on your feeds are monetizing these ideas....all while telling other women that feminism (you know, the thing that enables them to do what they're doing) is what is failing them. It's a full-on grift.

Now, to be clear: I am not anti stay-at-home mom (or even stay-at-home wife). I stayed home when my twins were born, and I fully support any woman taking on that job (because yes, it is a job). My gripe is with the attitudes of servitude and submission the tradwives peddle. It's with the dismissal of all the unpaid work women do, and how it leaves the financial risks of being without your own income out of the question. But while I worry about how trad wife content will affect young women, the truth is, I've always been even more concerned about how it will affect men.

Because now we have evidence to support what I've always known: Support for the tradwife movement was linked to negative perception of women among the men surveyed. For research published in Psychology of Women Quarterly, study authors surveyed 595 men about their familiarity with and opinions on trad wife content. According to their findings, men with attitudes of hostile sexism were more likely to support the trad wife ideology. 

These men, according to this research, frequently view performing domestic labor and caring for children as the easy way of the paid workforce (it's not). 

This is exactly how so many women end up in ugly, abusive, controlling marriages with totally warped power dynamics. This is what contributes to women being told they should fill "traditional roles", then being told they "don't work" or "don't contribute", so they can't have any say in how the family or household runs.

Again, it's not the opting out of the traditional workforce I take umbrage with here. Read more.

🔎 Ask Clara: What is a tradwife?

During a late-night scroll, I came across a post from actress Sasha Pieterse that stopped me in my tracks. 

The Pretty Little Liars star spoke about appearing in Meghan Trainor’s music video…and about the comments on her and Trainor’s bodies that quickly poured in. 

“This is what I want you to understand about women and body commentary online,” Pieterse said. “You will never be the right size.”

She pointed out that Trainor built her career on celebrating her curves and was body-shamed for that…and now that she has a smaller physique, she’s being criticized for that too. Pieterse is no stranger to this: As a teen, she publicly gained 70 pounds while filming Pretty Little Liars due to PCOS, and the commentary was loud. When she lost that weight, it was loud once again.

“There is no version of existing in a female body that the internet won’t have a problem with,” she said, adding that “no amount of willpower” will fix those hormonal issues. What many women need is medication — yet many of the medications that are effective for conditions like PCOS are heavily stigmatized right now.

“I have watched those medications get mocked and shamed,” Pieterse said, presumably referring to GLP-1 drugs, adding that all this does is make women who need these medications feel there’s something to be ashamed of.

This is nuanced, as most conversations that deal with GLP-1 drugs are. But Pieterse nailed the nuance in her caption. Read more.

🔎 Ask Clara: How do GLP-1 drugs help women with PCOS?

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